long time....lots of stuff

so i think the last time i talked on here was about a good 2-3 weeks ago. Where i left off on a really bad note bout some1 who i try not to consider. So ever since then there have been happy moments and bad ones. School has been going okay, but i'm just really tired of it. 1st semester was a really easy one and i thought "What do they mean Junior year is your hardest year?" but 2nd semester is KILLING me! I"m dying to get to summer vacation cause i really need it. But i kno for the month that i have left it'll work out. Hmm...O also i tryed out for broadcasting the announcements on television back in April and well....Ya girl made it! O YA! You must be proud, yes i kno,lol. So next year as a senior i will be on television every other day saying announcements. Never saw myself doing it and it's not so much a big deal to some people but i just want to bring more fun to it cause people that do it now is just sooo boring ya kno? So off the school subject....About 2 weeks ago dad went into the hospital cause he was complaining about chest pains and such. His blood pressure was awfly high also. So it turned out that on of his arterys that they havn't worked on previously was 80% clogged. I honostly had no sympathy for him when he said he didn't want this to come out to be this way with getting another by-pass surgery done. I'm not saying i didnt care, OF COURSE I DID! If i didn't i wouldn't of chewed him out while he was there. Another thing that has been on my shoulders lately than besides school and college....my future. And i really want my dad there. I want him to make it to my graduation, my wedding and to be with his grandkids. Things that i kno he really wants to be apart of but in my eyes it dosnt seem like it for the past 3 years of smoking and then eating horrible on top of that. Situations such as these make me jelouse and pissed at my "siblings". Jelouse in a way that one of my sisters was able to get walked down the isle by her father and the other having the oppurtunity 2. Him being able to see their kids. Pissed in a way because they don't care about him. Non of them check up on him...i mean 5 min phone call is nothing. One only would call just to get something out of him. And one just dosn't want to i guess....I really just don't understand them. When i was younger i tried real hard to be apart of their lives and my nieces and nephews but i'm just starting to give up. Especially when i see that my dad has given up. I try to keep faith i try to give excuses for some of them. But i can't do all the work. I see how unhealthy he is and this recent by-pass surgery and i look back to my 14th birthday and his only wish was to see all his girls together. And i think at this point he's given up because it seems like one has given up on her life and the other i believe dosn't want to try. So at times i believe i have siblings but then i feel like i'm the only child. Dad treats me more like the only child...i guess it's a good thing for me cause he's focusing more on me and my needs considering i'm 17 and not 27....but then i put more stress on myself cause i'm always trying to find a way to come out on top of them to make him proud. To graduate from high school, to go to college, to be successful in life and have the grandkids that he's always wanted....he has some but hasn't had the real oppurtunity to be the grandfather he wants to be. So because of his health i feel like i try to fastforward my life so the quicker i can achieve it so he can see and experience b4 he goes. Ne ways off the bad note...now for a good one.

This past saturday was a blast! I went to the valley of the flowers and had a great time! The slut wasn't there and really wasn't worried about her. I was worried about having a good time and her ruining it but it didn't happend. So last night was great and i again got a adopted and have ANOTHER mother. Lol....Gus's mom Diora, shes great. I almost thought she was calling me angela i'm like HOL UP! but she was just naming all her daughters...but i sure as hell an't claimin her ass as nothing, NADA! Gus says she dosn't kno the whole case scenario but if she did she wouldn't be up for all that. Ne ways i was worn out from last night and i'm still worn out as to why i'm not doing my hw...but it's all good,lol. I'm hoping this week i'll get called in for a interview cause i need a job! I've gone for over a year with out a job and while with out babysitting. The cash flow is like none. I got some in the account and the withdrawl i'm only gonna make is gonna be for mothers day. She's getting all kids of stuff this year cause i always neglect to get her something for x-mas but mothers day i ALWAYS get her something regardless. I'm deffinately sending her off to get her nails done but i'ma add something else in there....along with makeing her breakfast, cleaning house and we'll probably take her out to dinner or dad will make something if he's up to it. Cause i'm not cooking cause mine isn't always so great,lol. I'm the baker not the cooker. So i'm excited about mothers day....hopefully dad dosn't ruin it like he always does every year.

Another thing i'm kinda getting split from going to college here in the STL or going to a different state. I really just want the best education for Fashion Design. So now i'm torn cause the closer i become a senior the more i don't want to leave my mother. I mean i want to leave the house no doubt but like i wanna be close. I'll just have to see case Florida still sounds nice but so far way....and Chicago is just too cold but Dominican University said they have a really nice Fashion Design program. And i'm just so tired of STL but they say lindenwood is a really good school. And thats like my only 3 choices fa real, which is sad. And they all have some kind of plus...but so far Florida is winning cause of what they offer and it's WARM! Stl has one pluse and one minus. and the same goes for Chicago. So i'm gonna have to get back to you once i talk to my college and career counselour to get this straigten out. So i'ma go and do some college research and such.....and hopefully i'll be writting on here more often if i have time,lol. LOVE YA!

Sam