Friday Night....And Nothing 2 Do

Okay it's Friday night and i'm at home...Really odd for me. But in a way a like it cause it gave me a chance to relax. I'm finally on Spring break after like 2 weeks after every one else. But i truly need this break. I've been stressed out pretty much this whole quater with grades. I mean if my grades this quater arn't as good as they were my 1st quater, i mean i just gotta work my ass off 4th quater....as if i havn't been doing that. Ugh i hate school, i just want to graduate and go to college and start my life.

So this past week i really havn't written any thing. Along with being busy with school and shit; nothing really exciting happend. I think everyday this week i've been coming home takeing a nap and thats bout it. I havnt talked to Gus this whole week; wonder whats he's been up to lately. I got really pissed this week with the outcome of American Idol wednesday. I kno my Sis is going to disagree with me but i wanted Kevin to stay. He's SOO CUTE! He really does look like Chicken Little and thats one of my Fav. movies. Who i thought really needed to leave was Ducky Bucky. Ya know how every season theres that ONE person who you really want to go home but stays there majority of the show? Well this year is Ducky the Bucky. I really dislike him. But i guess as long as he dosn't win i'll be happy. I realized i've been really violent this week also. I almost wanted to slap a ho when she told me to stop poppin my gum. I mean i didn't get to see who it was...but i know it was a Frosh or Sophty. I tell ya, they have no respect for the upper class. Oh tasha calls me like thursday and says that since her mom works at the Barnes that they get special deals on Six Flags tickets. We only have to pay like 26 or somethin instead of 44. HOW GREAT IS THAT! I think i'm most excited about that. I mean i would be about Florida if i knew for sure i was going. But i have like 1 week and i know. I'm pretty much excited for the whole summer. I mean i'm pretty much booked. I mean i'm tryin really hard to get a job!!! Then i have summer school to take this computer course or else sam ain't graduating. But the activities start off with the Valley of the Flowers which is a carnival up in North County. This will be my 3rd year and i'm hopin i dont get thrown in jail...cause all i gotta say i get a mean mug i'm sayin somethin and if she or HE want to put a hand on me I"M GOIN TO JAIL! I AIN"T LYIN! And thats at the begining of may. The end of may i'm not sure wats going on yet...I'm hoping my Uncle FLoyd comes to town cause they havn't been here for a good 2 years and i miss them a lot. But if they dont' i'm probably going down to my grandmothers house. Now i kno it's been a good 8 months since here death but i'm still dealing with it. I mean it's been a while, and i'm still coping; is that bad? I mean i've only dealt with like 3 family deaths and this one was the hardest. Because the other 2 i knew but it wasn't like me and my grandmother. I mean that was really the only grandparent i grew up with. And now i only have my grandfather and like i said she was the only one i grew up with and i'm not as close to him as i was with her. I just miss her so. . . and it seems like some situations when she left just seemed to get worse. Well ne ways she's in a better place and she fought a hard fight, and i was proud of her. So i guess i have that feeling when i go down there eventually i'm gonna burst out into tears when i see she's not there. Cause thats what i feel like now that she's down there doin her thing planting and stuff. But let me stop b4 i start crying. So after that school is pretty much out and Erica always has her end of the year party that weekend and that is ALWAYS fun. I mean it's the country, how can it not be fun? So then after that excitment a week later and i take the ACT's again! But if i got with Tasha to FL. the next day is when we would be leaving. And i know it will be just like those commercials with those kids that are goin to Disney World...I will NOT be able to sleep,lol. So coming home from that weekend i'm guessing sometime after that we're going to 6 flags, and i'm looking forward to that cause i havn't been ever since 8th grade. Idk if it's because i just havn't had the chance or the fact that my ex works there. Hmmm well who cares i kno i'm going this year! And then threw out the summer we're going to City Meuseum, Magic house, Zoo, Science Center and then there will be me and Tasha's party. So this summer is pretty full i mean it has to cause this will be like my last summer In STL maybe...so we gotta live it up!

Okay new topic. So thursday night i get a yahoo IM from the past. I've known him ever since i was in 8th grade. And we've always been on this no talking thing on and off. When i first met him i really liked him cause he was really good to me and just a really good friend. But he changed a lot and let people impression him etc...I stopped talking to him about May of '05 cause he called me out my name just totally disrespecting me. And that wasn't the 1st, i wouldn't pay any attention to it cause i knew he was going threw a lot. But that day i just got fed up with it and i'm like fuck you i dont' deserve this. So ne ways back to last night. He pops up and says hello. And i rememberd my goal for the year is to forgive and not hold ne more grudges. So i'm like hi how r u and stuff....And b4 ne thing else he says he's sorry for callin me out name and how stupid and immature he was. Also how i didn't deserve that and i was always good to him. And i'm like WOAH!! i mean for a moment i was like is this him? But as i talked to him more i realized it really was him. It was nice to talk to him again after a while almost a year. We exchanged #'s etc...But every1 keeps asking me if im thinking if it was possible to go with him would I? And i mean i dont' think i'm mentally ready for that yet...And i can't bast it off of one conversation thats happend. But i mean i realized how paranoid i was about being played again. Like when he talked he said he'll call me soon or w/e and never did and thats when i just started thinking like a crazy person. He could of just did that to get kicks out of it or something idk. Like if i called him would it be like some dissconnected line or somethin just to hurt me. I guess for what i just went threw i've been having that mentality now. I mean i never had the test with the guys ever since it happend; untill now and i realized how it's affected me. Well i still have to bring this to Randoms attention cause thats my source now to kno if a guy is B/S'n me or not. So we'll see...not because of the whole getting seirous thing....but just to know that he's right again for just that friendship.

Okay well thats all this week so far...Nothing much, just this tiny dilema. 2morrow i don't have any plans amazingly, and for Spring Break is nothing but Excercising, Cleaning and Studying for those good ol ACT's coming up April 8th. So till something interesting....

Your One and Only,
Sammy D

PS. Dont be afraid to give me advice or comment on this blog....