THE BIG 1-8!!!

Yes...i am finally 18 yrs old!! It's kind of all overwhelming that i'm really an ADULT now and i'm so much closer to being on my own. To me i don't really have a problem with growing up as much as other teenagers my age. Yes we all want to stay young and not have the responsibilities but it has to happen regardless if you want to stay young. In my opinion it's best to start early so that way i'm not totaly clueless as i get older. I have way to many goals to sit here and be a kid my whole life, i just can't let it happen. So as you might now i went to Chi-town as a 18th gift...but a day was spent at Dominican University to kno more about it. And i REALLY want to go to that school...there is soo many opportunities there in chicago for me to be a fashion designer and that school is also strong in other areas as well. The next day was basically bein spent bitching and sweating and walking. We took their subway downtown cause i wanted to go to their Millinium Park and just me and my moma did NOT get along that day. We got lost sooo many times it was just frustration takeing over us. The next day i was official 18 years old and we had plans to go to their Aquarium and this Pier of thiers. Again we got lost and lost like a hour...when all we had to do is walk 2 block instead of like 10 to get to this free trolly that drops you right in front of the aquarium. So since our time was spent on being lost....we didn't have time to go to the pier cause the trolly stopped at 5:30 and it was no way we was doing all that walking from the subway. BUT while i was down there i saw me some pretty fine ass guys and a number of bums. I've NEVER seen bums like that. But i guess you could i say i had a good time. I'm thinkin of going back up there during the school year to stay in their dorms and observe their classes. But just by myself cause the parents was just too much that weekend.

So when i get back i hear this rumor that my so called cuzzin is pregnant. I really find it hard to believe. But then i kno she is dumb and prolly has un protected sex. I mean isn't that sooo fucked up i mean my own cuzzin could be pregnant by my ex who i lost my v-card 2. Thats that jerry springer shit fa real. I mean if she is....im not gonna say it dosn't bother me cause it does. But not by the fact that she too young and shit....just the fact that it's by the same guy. OMG i had the most freakiest dream last night bout that ex. Since he's like this drug dealing gangster....in the dream he was with his brother and they was actin all cool with me and i play along not to be a bitch and then i say why yall bein like this danni you act like ain't nothin happen, what you want? And he asks me to do somethin with drug dealing and i'm like NO! and they turn around and they pull out these guns on me. That dream was soooo scary. But ne ways....me and my bro stop by her house to get our shit and she ends up not being there, so he left a message. I find out by reading HER blog....that she thinks were immature. R U SERIOUS?!?! I mean were not like her who has to do everything by interenet....we went to her house and then called her, like normal mature people. Grow up and stop hiding behind the internet. I mean she went straight back to her old ways...she sayin that she got a tru side of the story. I'm sorry she's not the victim and i pretty much almost everything saved that happend since she has to do everything on the internet...i'm not stupid i'm gonna document it and save it for future refrence. She's back to thinkin that she has done NOTHING wrong...like she made it worse by giving up on her 2nd chance and not coming to me about it.

Honostly i'll be happy when i leave this city...and not to seem like i NEED a man in my life, i just want one now. A true one, to 4 get about the last. You kno how when it seems like u lost your "love" of your life you feel like you cant look back to ne thing else but that relationship. And i'm tired of looking back to that knowing it was fake. It's hard looking back at the holding hands and shit knowing it was nothing but a game and fakeness. It hurts really bad when during that relationship ur thinking its sooo true and enjoying it....you look back at it thinking it was good times but u have that voice to remind you that it wasnt real. I'm sure i'll find someone WAYY better than him and maybe the one....but 7 months of these thoughts going threw my head it makes it harder and i try to be positive but sometims i get soo depresed. Idk....i guess i just have to deal.....

So till next time i have to get some things out or some more news....

~Sammy D