Long time, No talky

So as you can see im really not good at this, but at least i use it,lol. Well nothing much late since the last post. Umm my Thanksgiving went good. We were really dissapointed cause we made all this food to see that a lot of people didn't even show up. The solution to that was try to give away as much as possible. I know one thing the holidays has been puttn a a hole in my pocket. OH im sure yall have herd of the major Ice Storm we had over here in the STL. That was HORRIBLE! We (ourselves) were out for a good week. What made it worst that it came to the point that we were the only people in the neighborhood that had our power out (or at least it seemed that way,lol). So we gave in and decided to buy a generator since this is the 3rd time that we have had to deal with this.

So other than that I still work at PBK and im enjoying it more and more because im starting to understand more stuff,lol. That damn storm messed up my hours! UGH! so my pay check was not that big,lol. College stuff is goin okay. I decided that im only applying to only 3 colleges. It went down one because The Art Institute of Chicago is trippin. Other than the fact that it cost about 40,000 a yr, they require you to have a Mac. laptop and they dont offer meal plans; They told me that with their fashion program is only a 3 yr program. When i get there im going to be takein just regular art classes and i can take so courses and fashion design: but in that time i would be working on a portfolio for fashion to see if they will even except me into the program. THATS FUCKED UP! That means i'll be paying for a years worth of tuition there (40,000) and then if i dont make it, it was just totally not worth it. So i just decided it's not even worth the effort to apply. But good news the college i really want to go to (Columbia College Chicago) does not require u to have a portfolio and even if u send one they wont even use it as consideration to getting in. So only thing i have to do now is send in the applications and then finish my essay. Which by the way is done but it just needs to be checked by one of the english teachers.

Okay so something interesting and funni was last Friday. So im x-mas shoppin with my cousin and we go to the ghetto mall and i get my daddy's gift and i see my Crush and what not. It was a joyous time up untill we were on our way to the Galley and i had, just HAD to show my cousin my dream house in this private country club neighborhood. So i show it to her and some other ones and i show her this one that my friend says is her dream home. Well a little ways down the street is this little piece of pavement and then a golf course. Now thats where i normally turn around, well considering this ice storm we just had that was ALL ice and i end up to be STUCK! So she was gonna push but she couldn't because everything is ICE. So we're like lets just pull forward and turn around cause its probably just Snow. WRONG! The whole area is nothing but a thick ass sheet of ICE! I am stuck on a fuckin golf course. Im freakin out...i tell her to get behind the wheel so i can push....not working. She goes to one of those rich houses for help...the lady told her to call AAA. Well THANK GOD! i got those cards from All state for situations like this. I just felt sooo bad beceause everyone i talked to asked, "WHY YOU ON A GOLF COURSE??" So finally the tow truck dude come and he is the dumbes M-Fer ever! He's this ghetto ass, white trash lookin cock-eyed son of a bitch! He gets me out a lil then he gets stuck...then gets un-stuck pulls me out. Then this dumbass didn't pull me out all the way. She he leaves and im honkin at his ass. So im like angela get the wheel. I got to push the car the rest of the way. OOOOOOOOOOO i was SOOOO pissed!! I call that fuckin company that i was upset and mad and told them he did not finish his job and i burned a lot of rubber (lie because i think it's fine) etc...I was sooo scared that night. Usually situations like that i call my dad. But knowin him he woulda blown it totally out of proportion. I kno one thing, my arms was killin me, i need to start workin out again,lol.

So thats pretty much it....I need to go and study for this AP Art History test i got 2morrow! BUH BI!

So in the 3 weeks time...

So basically nothing much going on in my life lately. Mainly school and work and trying to find some time for fun once and a while. College stuff is going okay i guess...i really need to get more on top of it. I know the earliest Application is due by Jan. 2nd and i still need to write my essay and my portofolio. Honostly i pretty much want to go the Columbia College simply because of the classes offered. But i dont want to be closed minded and be dissapointed in the end. School has been going okay i guess. Senior year grades arn't as good as my Junior year grades but what can ya say...I HAVE SENIORITIS! and im ready to go. O i finally decided what i want to study while in college. I'm going to double major in Fashion Design and Merchandising. Because just majoring in the Design aspect is ify and i want to start makein money ASAP!! Then i want to Minor in the Euentrepenuership program they offer. So i KNO im going to have HELLAZ hw. I just hope my 4 yrs of high school go as fast as when i get to College.

Okay so like i said in the last entry i got a job and now i have 2 jobs: Babysitting and Pottery Barn Kids. PBK is a realy cool place. Just last night was my first actually work day and i catched on pretty quick; considering the training went by fast. Last weekend i went to go see Stranger than Fiction. It was the first movie i've seen in theatre's since June. I really want to go see Happy Feet. I swear when i have a husband and he has niece's and nephew's they're going to think im the coolest Aunt,lol. Because im such the big kid. I can play with anything and get amused by it. Oh the week of the 5th of nov. i threw a b-day party for Erica (BFF) which turned out hilarious. It was the first party we had this year that didn't contain alcahol,lol. But it was hilarious, we ate pizza from Imo's (like no other!!) and then we played charades, DISNEY charades. We played girls against guys and it was soo funni to see the guys try and get the characters right.

Well this weekend is Trying to focus on academic stuff. Get some Drawings done to add to the portfolio and then 2morrow my Cousin Bridget is having a Lite Party for just the girls. Which is sad cause she took my babies to some1's house and i wanted them to be there! O well...

I really suck at this....

It seems that i can never get in the hang of this blog thing. Actually i was pretty good troughout the summer, but now that school started its maybe a once a month thing,lol!

So i left you off with talkin to my cousin, goin to homecoming etc...Well things with my cousin is great no regrets there trying to work things out with her. Homecoming was AWSOME!!! I loved it, i didnt get to do all that i wanted to do but i still had a blast. There are some pics so if u wanna see feel free to e-mail me and i'll send you some. So lately its been nothing but school work and babysitting. And speaking of WORK, SAMANTHA GOT A JOB!! Yes i kno, bout damn time! I work at Potter Barn Kids (a baby/kid store for rich kids). I start training tomorrow and im pretty excited. So basically ima have 2 incomes comin in,lol. Babysitting and PBK. Only thing im upset about is that she said it was seasonal when i signed up for part-time...ofcourse i said yes, but i just gotta make them LOVE me so i can keep it permanently. My boss is hilarious, she's like the Ditzy blonde who think EVERYTHING is funny.

Today i took the ACT for the 3rd time! It was a BITCH! OMG it was so much harder than usual. So pissed! Im hopin i get a better score even if its by one point! Well, today there is much to do; Go shopping, i've been craving steak(dont ask) so eating, then going to a Pajama Slumber Party,lol! Yes, sounds too young but lets just say that it's an Adult version. Tomorrow im supposed to be going to this Portfolio Viewing thing at Washu. but i never bought one of those portfolio things and i dont wanna be comin up there with my janky ones,lol. So idk, i'll have a chane for at least 1 or 2 university's to critique my work. I've had A LOT to do and still do. I have a whole LIST of things i need to do as far as college's and it starts with my recomendations....which instead of going to the viewing thing 2morrow im going to get all my recs. done so they can get started writting them. I cant wait till after 2nd semester and i've sent all my college stuff cause then it's just chillin then and im going to need it!

OMG! The holidays have been in my mind for a while! I swear if Uncle floyd and his family do not come for either Thanksgiving or X-Mas...Then i better see them at my graduation!!!! And that's for EVERYONE who has the same blood as me!

Well i suppose that concludes my entry...all i can say im going to try and keep up on my entry's...BYE!

GEEZ LOUISE!!

I have not written in this thing in hellaz!! I realized how far behind i am in the blogging. I just realized how much i have to catch up with my Sisters blog! So one day this week i need to catch up with her. So where i left off was school and "jerry springer" drama. But things have gotten a bit lighter off my chest. So once my Jerry Springer drama is out the door nothing to worry bout any more. So ironic that once my Sister comments on my last blog stateing that i should just bite the bullet and call her. Right after i read that my cousin pops up on aim we talk it over and the rest is history! Us being on good terms even some what to what it used to be has helped take some stress off of me. I even went bowling with her last weekend for her birthday. That one weekend when i went to that party was pretty great and WILD! LOL

Although, this past weekend has been good and bad. Friday i didn't do much but go with erica to go get somethin done of hers,lol. Then out to get somethin to eat. I was supposed to go shoppin with my cousin but shit happens. Saturday i had to wake up early and go to this job interview( FINALLY!). I leave like 5 min. early...and i get in my car and the freakin battery died. So we have to move it mannually cause i was blockin the truck and then hurry up and drive my ass to the mall. When i get there she's late by like half hour. But we go threw the interview and then she said she's going to call us either monday or tuesday. So im really really hoping i get this job! So then afterwards i go to that stupid rivalry game against clayton that we lost badly 2! I was SOO PISSED! Then we went out to eat and then bowling and then to the loop. So when i get home my parents arnt there and ya. So thats pretty much it....This weekend is HOMECOMING!! Yes ofcourse im takein pictures! No need to worry. Friday i might go see the grudge 2. Who knows. So thats it....

It's been awhile!

So it's been about 50 years since i've been on this thing it seems like! If just been caught up with all shit. I've been really stresse, frustrated and u might say depressed. Last weekend was fun i had a BLAST! Basically going to the football game, Going to the mall with tasha, gus and chris, then to gus's ("suprise") party. But i've also had a lot on my mind lately. Mainly school but also just my common, what i call "Jerry Springer" drama. School in the way of doing well, getting into college etc... We all know i like to go big or go home, and i do NOT want to be a failure at life (one of my bigest fears). I just feel like i've been putting a lot of pressure on myself lately or like i feel at times that i'm not putting enough. Yes i realize that this is my SENIOR year and i should be cuttin back a little and college's really look at your Junior year of high school. I'm just that kind of girl that likes to over due it sometimes. Then as far as colleges i'm kind of split between 2 as of now...Dominican University or Columbia College. They are both located in Chicago it's just i'm really REALLY intrested in the both of them. So for example: If i were to get excepted to both i would i have NO IDEA as to which one i should go to.

Now for the whole "Jerry Springer" drama is just buggin me A LOT lately. Meaning that lately i've been missing my cussin reffusly and i still have that voice if not many (friends and shit) saying that "...but she went out with your ex blah blah blah". At times i just really dont care. Then at times i look at it like this: I miss the old days of us talking on the phone for like 5hrs, comin to my house every other weekend etc...I miss my old cousin who i thought was my best friend, sister w/e not who she is today. I pray to go almost everyday that soon she will come around and everything will go back to what it was. Ever since i've read "her side of the story" on her blog i've wanted to talk to her about it. But considering i think she thinks that me and Gus are out to get her she most likely will NOT answer her phone. Sometimes i get really upset at the fact that she always tries to make things right with her used to be friends before even really putting me into consideration. I just wish one day she'll realize how i really felt during everything and we'll just burst out crying saying we love each other. She thinks that this is over a boy when really it's not. In some ways yes, because HE"S the one who did this and brain washed her ass but it's way past him. Honostly, me and HER diserve better! SHIT! at least some1 with some goals in life! DAMN! All in all i wish it would resolve really soon because the holidays are coming up and thats something we would share togethere ALWAYS and i just dont want to be depressed. So i dont know one day i might write her or i just might wait on her, something else i have to think about.

So this weekend is going to be good. So far tonight i went to the movie night at school. Fell asleep and then went off on this one girl. I thought it was funny. HAHA! 2MORROW! is going to be great! It's a party i got invited to it's like some Super Sweet 16 shit! Not even lieing!! So i'll be back on here to tell wats up on that and of course i'm gonna be bringing a camera. Well i'm REALLY tired and i was going to do some prep beutifying tonight but i'll just do it 2morrow morning...BUH BI!

break break down....

So this week has be VERY stressful! I swear last night i almost broke down and started crying because i'm so frustrated and stressed. Between classes, college, ACT's, LAASA and other bull shit...i couldn't take it ne more. Classes meaning that My Ap Art History class, AP Studio Art class, Spanish5, Physics is just wearing me out and im getting frustrated easier. I mean AP Studio Art isn't hard it's just i take the class very VERY seriously and i feel like my ideas arn't strong enough. And college cause i found out that i can't go to my college counselour apt. 2morrow because i have a Trig. test 2morrow and i NEED to talk to her. ACT's because i think i could possibly kill myself if i don't do good on this ACT coming up because i've taken twice already and gotten the same damn score! 18! ANNOYING! LAASA because im trying really hard to be organized and a good leader but i think its my fault cause i'm not askin for much help from other people like i think i should. I have a tenency to do that,lol. And just other tiny shit...And ive been so anxious and dieing for friday to get here it make it just as worse!

Because my Weekend is going to be sooo FIRE!! Okay let me give you the Itenerary!

FRIDAY!!
Okay so STRAIGHT after school me, shyra and ciera are going to get our nails done. Well just me and shyra ciera just taggin along. And then they talkin about goin to the club that night so idk if i might tag a long as well...cause i mean i AM 18!! HELLO! But after nails i gotta leave like right away to pick up my mommy from work cause the big truck gotta go in the shop.

SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! so this is going to be the BEST day! Okay so i kind gotta wake up early because i gotta go all the way to florrisant and drop off my proofs and all that shit and order the actual pictures! Then afterwards i gotta come home drop mom off and probably leave AGAIN to be at the game cause im on the BLUE CREW and i gotta be there early to decorate. So then Supposidly, HOPEFULLY chris and gus are going to the game to! If gus can get out of consessions and chris gets his mom's car. So then they supposed to chyll at my house for a while till tasha gets off work then she's comin over and THEN! Were going to the GALLEY with CARMEN!!! AHHHH I GET TO SEE DAVID!!!! SO EXCITED! So it will probably be a GREAT DAY!

Sunday!!
well after all that excitement Sunday's are my recuperating(sp?!) days and cleaning of course. So most likely i will be on here on Sunday to update you on the weekend plans!! HOLLER!

In My Mind...

Okay so besides school i've had many things on my mind. And most of them are things that i think i shouldnt let get to me ya kno? People think that im this happy person ALL the time. Just because i'm laughing and smiling all the time. So i may not be totally depressed to stop me from laughing but i'm not as happy as every1 makes me out to be. I'm not saying my life is hell, because i know there are people out there who have it 10X worse than me. I think it's mainly stress, frustration etc...Stress coming from school, running a club at school and trying to find a job. Frustration because of just my life in general. My mind is in about 1000 different places and i can't seem to keep them in their place because i'm constantly forgetting something or w/e the reason may be. The reality of being a senior is hitting me after i had a Senior Metting at my school about College Applications, and at that moment i'm like "Damn, in about less than a year i'm on my own." Its shocking. Im dying for a job that is flexible for me. I need money but i also need time for school and such. All of that just makes me stressed out that at times i dont kno what to do.

OH! before i get to detailed and upsetting lets talk about my weekend! Which by the way was way fun. Friday i had a meeting for LAASA so thats where the stress comes in at. But afterwards Me, Erica, Kelly, Brittany and Tink all went in Erica's car,lol and went to the Football game at Duschene. Which by the way is in St. Charles and i dont kno SHIT about St. Charles. So we Mapquest it....AND DOES NOT HELP! We got lost had to get directions from 4 different people, thought we had the right school but turned out we didn't ....So we didn't get to the school till a hour later. We won duh! Well we had better cause i wasn't bout to get lost and we not win. So then saturday morning/afternoon was spent at the LAASA car wash. WORE ME OUT! I almost had to go off on some children but i was wayyy to exauhsted to say ne thing. After all that me, tasha, Gus and Chris hung out and had a mighty good time. Oh so after all that i drop off Chris and on our way out from leaving him i run over a Racoon! OMG! i felt sooo bad. I almost cried. I mean i kno animals get ran over all the time. But i NEVER ran over an animal. And the feel of it once you do so is horrible! What killed me is afterwards i see in my Rear View Mirror the animal still trying to walk away and try to survive knowing it's going to die because of me. I felt sooo bad! ....We came to the conculsion that the Millz mall officially sux! All these gangsters and shit are up there now. Basically it's like another Northwest Plaza. So all of us are going to the Galley. After we hang at my house next weekend. Today nothing interesting, Sunday's are my lazy days.

So back to what i was saying. Frustrated because i felt that when school would start i wouldn't have time to worry about my Jerry Springer situation. It's still here and not going away in the least bit. I mean i realized it was kind of dumb for me to think she was just going to go away and the drama with it considering she is family. And most likely i'm going to hear about her everytime my uncle calls or when my friends that go to her school come up with something. I get pissed because everytime that i go somewhere with gus she comes up in some way shape or form. Like we was at the mall, they met up with this one girl who is friends with the both of Gus and Angela. And they talk about her and shit...kind of like ruined the moment. Their friend brings up how they shouldn't have so much tension between them at least say hi in the hallways because she dosn't like how friends could be like that when in a year or so there going to be gone. I wanted to come out and say soo badly that it's just as worst for FAMILY to be like this for 8 months! 8 freakin MONTHS!! All because of a dick head and her not thinking things threw. IDK situations like these really make me want to invent a time machine and go back a year ago and i say NO instead of yes. Just some kind of change to where things are NOT like this. I HATE havin this burden on my shoulders. I just hope God one day will make things work out make her realize this situation was totally wrong. Because i always look back at how things were between me and her and how i thought we were as tight as anyone could be. No1 could break us apart, especially no guy. I get upset cause i miss her. At time i want to just call her and say i dont care yall going out i just want us to be like b4. But then i KNOW that i can't do that because she's not going to learn anything by doing that. I mean no1 realized how happy i was when we had that talk and when we hung out. I was estatic(sp?)! Then i feel like dirt truly, because she constantly trying to make things right with gus and becca. I feel like she does NOT care and at times i feel like she just does that because i'd probably be the hardest for her to make up with. I've writtin her many times on Myspace about her side of the story, but her page wouldn't let it go threw. They were very thoughtful too...i wasn't just going off and calling her names. I think the internet is just an excuse cowards who do that because they are too afraid to do it in front of their face. I just want things to change SOO bad! But i know it's all in the hands of god. Because i feel horrible it's been like this for sooo long! W/e who knows i might write her another, might not. But not only is this family thing bothering me it's Relatioships. I feel like i'm never going to be in another relationship again. Not just because i havn't gone on a date or havn't gotten any hollas fa real, just because i feel that in my last relationship was such a screw up im going to be that girl thats going to turn down all guys (even good ones) just because of "his" screw up. I want to be in a relationship, but i NEVER want to go threw that again. I've been cheated on, i've been left and i've been used. But i was NEVER used in a way that i was in my last relationship (if you want to call it a relationship). I just hope the next guy that comes into my life is understanding and patient with me. Idk i just know i'm going to be scared in my next relationship and i dont want to be a burden for whoever it may be. But it's getting late and i'm getting kind of depressed talking about this, So i'm going to bed.

School, Life, Weekend...ya kno?!

Okay so my 2nd week a school is over and little by little things get better. Although i might be dropping my Physics class because my teacher just left us! Can u believe that?! I mean like the 2nd class i had with her (only the 3rd day of school) and she's not there. In fact she wont be here for a while. So in the mean time there going to replace her with a Biology teacher! Who is one of my fav. teachers, BUT i dont feel comfortable having a biology teacher teaching me physics. So my plans are to drop it and take Advanced Anatomy and Physiology or maybe just drop it completely and dont take a Science class. I dont want my grade to slip because my teacher (who teaches biology) is getting threw to me. But other than that most of my classes are better and better. AP Art History is cool, Spanish 5 isn't too bad and African American Studies 1 is getting harder because of the reading but it's still a fun class to be in.

So about Wednesday or so my mom talked to these people that she payed 700 dollars for to help me with college and stuff, and turns out California could be a location that i might be going to College. Simply because some schools there offer up 2 75% in financial aid and that is GOOODD!!! Along with 2 of the colleges that im interested in at Chicago. One is extremely high and the other is pretty decent. I kno California is a GREAT place to go for what i want to go into (Fashion Design) but it's SOO expensive and i'm extremely far away from my family. Yes i do have family there; My sister and my Uncle floyd. But the idea that my family is half way across the damn country will get to me OFTEN. But theres plus's and minus's to everthing, in the end i still have to get accepted 1st and THEN work out the post. and neg.

So finding a job is a pain in the ass!! I just filled out like 4 or so, and im turning them in after school Wednesday and if i can't then most DEF. thursday. And if i dont get nothing from these 2 i'm gonna be pissed! Saturday i woke up early because i needed to go to the bank to do a few things and then to go pick up my proofs from my Senior Pix...WHICH BY THE WAY LOOK AWSOME!! Even dad, who wasn't up to the idea of spending like 400 dollars on pix, was excited! HAHA! My fav. thing he said was, "Ya kno u might actually be cute" Yall may think it was harsh but u dont kno my dad, it's deffinately a Charles comment,lol. Gustavo invited me to this Opening to Latino's party but i decided not to go. Sunday i didn't do too much of nothing. Cleaning and the rest of the day was chillin. Monday i woke up kind of early, surpisingly. The rest of the day was spent shopping. Came home and Chilled. So now it is 8:23 PM and i need to study for my AP Art History exam tomorrow and read some Spanish. ADIOS!

SAMMY D

First Week Of School...SENIOR YEAR!

Well, i think it's been a while since i've written in here. A good 2 weeks or so. Since then i have started school and it's been nothing but HELL! Now you think the first week of school, no problem, its fun no homework right? NO!

First Day
First day of school i was excited a bit on the tired side but excited! My first class is Physics, BORING! There isnt much people i talk to on a daily bases in there. And we get a worksheed on Scientific Notation of which i forgot how to do, UGH! So i was SOO ready to go to my next class which is Spanish 5. Yes ya girl doin it real big! LOL I come in that classroom and it's PACKED! I could tell it was going to be a fun class and so far no complaints. Again another assignment, but nothing too hard. Afterwards, it's AP Art History, yes it is a College Course class. Again it's PACKED! And find out its over enrolled and my teacher is PISSED! But she's funny and once again ANOTHER assignment, long as hell! And since the class is offerd to periods and both are over enrolled; of course mine is the 2nd one and books are running short. I dont get the main textbook that, once again, i need for my HOMEWORK assingment. So on a good note i have Learning Center after that (which is a place just to do hw) were i did my Art History hw (that i wasn't able to finish). So the first day i was VERY overwhelmed.

Second Day
My school goes by a block schedule. Meaning that i have different classes every other day. So first hour i have Trigonometry! O JOY! Math bright and early in the morning! The people in that class i LOVE and the teacher seems pretty cool so far. Once again we have HW! only 15 problems but STILL! Then AC Lab another place that u have the chance to do HW, chill, go to teachers for help etc...After that i have AP Studio Art, yes another AP class. But the AP test in May for this class is just basically A LOT of different art work pieces that i have done. Now since i've taken A LOT of them he recomended that i take the test in May. In addition to that and to help for that test i have to finish 12 art work pieces just for the class. GEEZ!! After that i have African American Studies 1 and i'm gonna love 2. So pretty much Blue day classes (the day b4 are white days) are so fun!

The rest of the week
So pretty much the rest of the week is nothin but hw and sleeping. I've never gotten soo much hw the first week of school in my life. I mean thank got my Physics teacher was absent on Friday. LOL isn't that sad?! And for the weekend i have SOOO much AP Art History HW it's not even funni and i have to finish my idea sheet for AP Studio Art and i'm done with hw. Thank GOD! i have Learning Center cause thats where i finish most of my assignments, if the ADD dosn't get to me,lol. O did i mention like the 3rd or 4th day of school i get sick?! So ya i'm fighting it right now, it's just a cold. Nasty ass kids! I think friday i only got 3 hrs of sleep cause i was soooo conjested, but i took a nap in Physics so it's all good,lol.

This week
So my plans for this week isn't much. Of course go to school, i need to go registar to vote and get my full license. I also need to find in there time to go apply to some jobs at the Galleria cause ya girl need a JOB! So the 1st week of school was stressful but i'm still excited for this year....especially Homecoming which is Oct. 14th, and can u believe im wearing...nvm just have to wait. I think people will be SHOCKED! LOL! So till something interesting...

Sammy D

DA WEEKEND!

Okay so this weekend actually turned out better than i had thought.

Friday
I had to babysitt so i can get some MONEY! After that i took a nap and did about NOTHING for the rest of the day. Because i knew i had to wake up BRIGHT and EARLY the next morning to babysitt again. But that night i did work on my drawing, not comin out how i wanted it 2...but i never really was good at portraits when their not me. It's of my grandmother when she was about in her 30's or 40's i guess. May not look EXACTLY like her but when i draw i sort of put my own twist you could say. Not so much like Picasso, but it's just me. After this, im drawing Gus (lil bro) a Van Gogh. THIS is more me....i do fantastic when it comes to anything BUT pencil,lol. But i really do love all mediums. I used to be obsessed with Charcol, but since i've done that last Van Gogh drawing i did with Oil Pastels, their one of my fav.'s now. With my grandmothers pic is more of an experiment type thing. For my birthday i got all this art supplies of some i've never used b4...So once im done with experiment piece im on to another oil pastel project. BUT i have to get back in to sketching designs and stuff like that, gotta build my profile stricktly on that part. Dont get me wrong i got plenty other stuff, just not much of designs ne more.

Saturday
Most of the day was spend BABYSITTING!!! Ya i was there from 6:40 AM till bout 2:30 PM, CRAZYNESS!! So after that i came home at some lunch and took a shower. I gave tasha a call and chilled for a while. Gustavo called me and i talked to him for about 5 min. or so. Tasha called me back and we decided to go shopping. I bought a new wallet, a belt(that needs to be returned), and a game that i can't play till i get the original one. BUT all in all me and tasha shopping we have nothing BUT a great time. So we went from the Galleria and she saw her cutie at Journey's that supposed to be takeing her out one day, then to wal-mart, then off to the Millz; where i saw my cutie at Journey's as well. I really wanted a chance to talk to him, but it was A LOT of people in there. Odd too, i came in like 15 min. b4 closing so i was upset but HE"S SOOO CUTE! Haha and he's not hispanic...well not that i kno of he looks mixed so who knows!! After all that Me and Tasha decided to have some ice cream, well I decided,lol. And we go to QT on Page and THEN to vaccum out my car at this car wash place. OMG! TOO FUN! While i'm vaccuming i think the vaccum had a thing for me cause it kept suckin up my skirt and shirt...so while that is going on i'm screaming and laughin. And while we are about to leave (didn't cause i almost left the damn mate there,lol) this nice concerned hispanic man, who by the way had NO style, asked if we were okay. I mean if i was over hearing us i'd probably ask if we were okay as well.

Sunday
I have done....NOTHING! today, and i LOVE IT! I havn't even taken a shower yet,lol. But eventually i will. Matter fact i'm gonna go do that. Most likely i'll probably watch a movie wit mi mami and then tonight might do some sketches!! Gotta get ready for college right? Well just in case if i go back to Chicago to Dominican University they might set me up with the fashion professors and look at my stuff. Give some feedback and such...So just in case. Wich reminds me i need to give that recruiter for stl an e-mail cause i need to kno if they are going to charge me for stayin on campus.

So 2morrow i pick up my schedule. There's NO WAY i'm waiting till wednesday. I'm SOO excited for school to start. But as far as the rest of the week idk. I KNO i'll probably be at my lil bro's house a lot to keep him company cause he's getting surgery tuesday. I have to give Diego a bath b4 school starts as well. So the rest of the week i really dont have ne thing planned....knowing me, family and friends something will pop up.

Sammy D

6 FLAGS BABY!!!!

Okay so as you kno, yesterday (wednesday), was spent at 6 Flags! If your wondering why i was so excited is because the last time i was there was 8th grade. So bout 4 yrs ago. So it turned out Tasha couldn't come threw because she totally for got that she had 2 doctor appt. So i was really bumed that she couldn't join us and i really wanted to take her to the water park. But it turned out it was me, erica and random. We had some really good times still...I got to ride the new addition to the theme park, the Superman. Man it's really good! But i still get freaked out by it,lol. Your going like 250 feet in the air and you get dropped. What freaks me out is that you're allll the way at the top and your lookin around and enjoying the view, next thing you kno it, YOUR FALLING! Cause your like waiting and waiting and it's this suprise. So after we did the actual park we ate lunch in my car and then headed towards the Hurrican Harbor (the waterpark). Thats when i REALLY got my excercise. When you go on those waterslides and no1 is there your climbing ALLL those stairs all at one time. It's pretty exhausting, and thats when you wish you would have to wait,lol. We went on this toilet bowl lookin thing, i LOVED it even though i was probably the loudest person screaming i still loved it. Well, it turned out that we had to leave early cause it started to thunder and next thing i see lightening so i'm like TIME TO GO! We leave and chill out at the MCdonalds for a lil while, next thing it just bust loose! Then we leave, get caught in trafic and we're home. I had such a BLAST! Im deffinately going again b4 i go to college.
So anyway today i woke up a tad early cause my allergies (it's really been a pain cause it's the ONLY reason why i get up.) I knew i had to wake up sooner or later because i had to take a trip to the school to pay for my parking pass. I can't wait till next week when i get to pick up my schedule!!!! I'm so ready for school to start it's not even funny. I'm ready to see all my friends etc...They probably expecting me to come in that school the first day cryin but i hope i dont,lol. So after i did that lil runnin i was pretty much tired for the rest of the day. I wanted to go to the library to register to vote possibly check out a book, BUT i ended up falling asleep. My allergies really are a pain! So can you believe it? I have no bad news section!!! 2morrow i have to babysitt and wake up at 8 or so i get home at 1. I need to talk to gus to find out witch day are we goin to the hispanic festival downtown; friday or saturday. Cause we go saturday it wont be untill late cause i gota babysitt AGAIN for even longer till 3....o yes ya girl is gonna be gettin some cash, FINALLY! So most likely my weekend will be booked, if we go friday not saturday maybe i could do somethin with tasha...need to, i miss my buddy!

Sammy D!

Psychiatric help

Okay i'm really starting to think that this whoolllee situation is putting me in a place i dont like. Im really starting to think i need psychiatric help. Last night was my 2nd dream of my ex attempting to kill me. The first time wasnt such a big deal, i woke up in a cold sweat and thats it. This time i felt as if it was a nightmare...but it seems like somethin i shouldn't be afraid of. I know i was talkin in my sleep cause i was screaming a lot in the dream. Wake up again in a cold sweat and this time i got tears and eventually (not too much later) i'm crying. Now honostly i dont think he'd do something like that, and i'm not afraid of him (at least, thats what i think). To me the dreams mean how hurt, neglected i am from my cousin. Because in both of them she's just there not saying a word to him about him trying to kill me. Like she's just there for the ride, like it's some kind of entertaining thing. Honostly i dont kno what to make out of em. But that dream pretty much ruind my whole day...and i feel/kno that it's not going to be my last. And i just want to kno how to handle them the right way. Cause i havn't had nightmares like that since i was bout 7...and they were some pretty nasty ones.

Okay again....for some good news. Me and my friends for life are goin to 6 flags FINALLY 2morrow! It should be fun as long as it dosn't rain...but knowing us we'll make the fun out of it! I'm sure of it. So thats it! i'm sure once 2morrow is over i'll have a bigger good news section,lol.

the weekend...

For my weekend, i thought was rather interesting. BUT b4 i go there im gonna start off with the bad news that happend b4 my weekend that, of course, carried threw out the whole weekend. So apparently i was fooled thinking my sister was the only one who reads my blogs, WRONG! My so called cousin (who i dont like to refer her as family) reads them as well. She basically copied my last blog and used it in hers (meaning the font and shit). So when i'm reading her's she finally (after 7 months) comes out and says what "her" side of the story is to this whole ordeal. Her side is simply saying that, "i've had feelings for him, i just didn't know how to tell him. So when i found out they were going out, i was shocked and acted like it was okay." Basically what really happend is that after a while when she introduced him to me he would tell me how he felt for her and i told him to ask her out...apparently she didn't kno what to do and didn't answer him. Her reason that she told me as to why she didn't kno what to say is "i like him i just can't see us going out". I told him this, he's pissed cause he didn't understand why she couldnt tell him this. (as you can see i'm in the middle of all of this) Were talking, and a year ago at this time he asked me out and i said let me thing about it. There were sooo many things that were going threw my mind i didn't kno what to do. Afraid of getting hurt, USED etc...I say yes and she acts happy. At that moment when he asked me i had no where NEAR the feelings that he "claimed" he had for me. So if she woulda told me at that moment i woulda called it off completely! This story of hers is basically frustrating but easily solved....OPEN YOUR MOUTH! If she woulda told me from the get go, NONE of this would've happend. It's frustrating because she's saying that she was hurt during our fake relationship....that now i feel a bit bad but yet i kno i did nothing wrong. How could i do something wrong and be hurting her intentionaly when i couldn't of known? And till today i realize somethin that she SHOULD...does she not know that for him this was all a game??? He got dissed by her, he wanted to piss her off by going out with her cousin (me), breaking up with her cousin, then breaking the family by doing shit that he KNOWS is bad BUT makes it justifyable to her (basically brain washing her). Honostly if a guy needed to do all that i would NOT be impressed if ne thing i would be hurt as well because he had to put me threw pain just to get back my attention. But ofcourse she dosnt see it as long as she has him, and ONLY him, it's all good in her life. Now she does nothing but complain about loosing all her friends...Honey if you make your boyfriend your TOP priority and say that he IS your life....why are you complaining about friends? You got what you want right? I mean during this whole situation some1 PLEZ tell me if i'm wrong or have gone wrong about anything...just tell me! I've done nothing but take people's advice as far as being reasonable and hearing her out and giving her a second chance....not beating her ass, etc...So this whole getting shit back isn't going so good. She tells us we can't go to her house and stop calling her but if she wouldn't act like it's not ours...we wouldn't have to be soo persistant. I dont think she understands that we want this done so that we're DONE, finished with her. With all this, i am probably the only teenager that wants school to start. I will be TOO busy to worry about her, him, immature people...basically just people that stress me out. Funny that my mother keeps saying that one day that light bulb will come on, but honostly i HIGHLY doubt it. I think i've lost alll hope...and my father, well lets just say he got the info. when it initialy happen, but since then....he knows nothing. And im sure he'll be more upset and dissapointed than he was 7 months ago.

SO! on the brighter sides of things! Saturday was VERY interesting. I had my senior pix taken and i had a rather good time doing that. I dont enjoy takein pictures of that nature so i was a bit on the crabby side because of that...BUT i had the most HILARIOUS photographer ever! So he kept me calm. So every1 be on the look out for those, i'm hopin they turn out very nice. I mean shit! My moma gonna be payin like 300 dollars for em so they better! After that i came home and took a nap, knowing that i had to go shopping with natasha. So around 5 ish we went to the Mills and wen't shopping. Actually thats tasha who went shopping cause she got the money and JOB! O since i brought that up...I BETTA GET A DAMN JOB! I applied to 6 places since i've turned 18, so somethin need to happen. So anyways...while we were there, there were sooo many priceless moments! I mean from tasha stumbling over her OWN feet to me slipping from some water on the floor. OMG! and there's this HELLA cute guy that works at journeys...tasha like ruined my chances with him cause she was soo mean to him so he probably thinks im mean 2. So after the mall we went to Gus's house and i met his cousins who are staying for a while from the DR. Margarita, she's soo funni...especially when i'm understanding what she is saying,lol. Then i met his cousin Lili for the first time, and she met me...funni cause she didn't kno who i was at first till gus said something. And basically just chilled and had fun! So my weekend or shall i say just Saturday turned out better than i had thought....cause i mean Sunday i did nothing but the usual, clean and cook. I swear to bob! I thank my parents for teaching me all sorts of things pertaining to being on my own cause i'm SOOO ready for college. I really got my heart set on Dominican...i mean there's only like 3 things i dont like. Having to live on campus for 2 years, the tuition and the freshmen dorms are SOOO small! 2 of those i could get used 2, but the tuition is high...but it REALLY is a good school. The location is great, the ratio to professors to students is Fantastic!, the diversity of ethnicitys is great 2. What really caught my eye is that since im going to major in fashion i could internship with PRADA!! I mean if i went to school here in STL at Lindenwood i'd be like interning for wal-mart. Now dont get me wrong i love the store but thats not where i want to go with my career. Then the other thing that had me sold was that i could study abroad to ITALY!! I mean i'd have to study the language for 2 years...BUT ITALY! (besides i've always wanted to learn Italian). Honostly i just realized that i just want to go to school in the Chicago area because there is soo much more opportunities there than in STL. Well 2morrow i have to babysitt....so i can get some CASH! So till some more interesting topics......

SAMMY D!

*Sigh*

So i'm just pretty much fed up. This girl (ex cousin) just keeps agravating me continuously non stop. I mean she has the nerve to call me and Gus(lil bro) immature when all we do is go to her house and get the stuff that she has of ours...he leaves a message on her celly askin when is a good time for us to pick it up. Now he might of been a little immature when he called her a name...BUT she's actin like its HER stuff and she ain't given it back. I mean is it so hard? I want my games, movies and such i have little cousins who ask me where all my games have gone and i gotta say i dont have them as of now. Now since she went to that level calling us immature ofcourse gus has to retaliate and leaves her a more inappropiate message. If it were me i wouldn't but this is him we're talking about. And she makes this comment thinking that i think her cousins like me...NEVER have i said that while this has gone down. So she's basically just comin up with random shit. So to get this over with im going to get my shit wheather she likes it or not. I mean more and likely i WILL prolly say some shit to get it off my chest cause that is what i need. For her to go off calling us immature she can't even be MATURE and communicate with me and say i give up...no she blocks me on everything, no more calls and just leaves it at that. O YA! thats REAL mature! So when this transaction takes place she better be ready cause i have A LOT to say...most of it will be real, some not so nice but i've just been REALLY hurt and telling other people dosn't help....it NEEDS to be her. So most likely tonight I will be the one leaving a message, i mean if I have to stoop down to her level and do it threw the internet i will....cause damn, i miss my sims game fa real! I think this is the main reason why i want school to start SOOOO bad...cause i'm going to be SOO busy this year that i wont have time to deal with this. And as sooon as it starts the sooner i graduate and the sooner i get out of here and i'm in Chicago.

Okay so for now i'm done...who knows if i need to let out some more frustration later....so be on the look out,lol

THE BIG 1-8!!!

Yes...i am finally 18 yrs old!! It's kind of all overwhelming that i'm really an ADULT now and i'm so much closer to being on my own. To me i don't really have a problem with growing up as much as other teenagers my age. Yes we all want to stay young and not have the responsibilities but it has to happen regardless if you want to stay young. In my opinion it's best to start early so that way i'm not totaly clueless as i get older. I have way to many goals to sit here and be a kid my whole life, i just can't let it happen. So as you might now i went to Chi-town as a 18th gift...but a day was spent at Dominican University to kno more about it. And i REALLY want to go to that school...there is soo many opportunities there in chicago for me to be a fashion designer and that school is also strong in other areas as well. The next day was basically bein spent bitching and sweating and walking. We took their subway downtown cause i wanted to go to their Millinium Park and just me and my moma did NOT get along that day. We got lost sooo many times it was just frustration takeing over us. The next day i was official 18 years old and we had plans to go to their Aquarium and this Pier of thiers. Again we got lost and lost like a hour...when all we had to do is walk 2 block instead of like 10 to get to this free trolly that drops you right in front of the aquarium. So since our time was spent on being lost....we didn't have time to go to the pier cause the trolly stopped at 5:30 and it was no way we was doing all that walking from the subway. BUT while i was down there i saw me some pretty fine ass guys and a number of bums. I've NEVER seen bums like that. But i guess you could i say i had a good time. I'm thinkin of going back up there during the school year to stay in their dorms and observe their classes. But just by myself cause the parents was just too much that weekend.

So when i get back i hear this rumor that my so called cuzzin is pregnant. I really find it hard to believe. But then i kno she is dumb and prolly has un protected sex. I mean isn't that sooo fucked up i mean my own cuzzin could be pregnant by my ex who i lost my v-card 2. Thats that jerry springer shit fa real. I mean if she is....im not gonna say it dosn't bother me cause it does. But not by the fact that she too young and shit....just the fact that it's by the same guy. OMG i had the most freakiest dream last night bout that ex. Since he's like this drug dealing gangster....in the dream he was with his brother and they was actin all cool with me and i play along not to be a bitch and then i say why yall bein like this danni you act like ain't nothin happen, what you want? And he asks me to do somethin with drug dealing and i'm like NO! and they turn around and they pull out these guns on me. That dream was soooo scary. But ne ways....me and my bro stop by her house to get our shit and she ends up not being there, so he left a message. I find out by reading HER blog....that she thinks were immature. R U SERIOUS?!?! I mean were not like her who has to do everything by interenet....we went to her house and then called her, like normal mature people. Grow up and stop hiding behind the internet. I mean she went straight back to her old ways...she sayin that she got a tru side of the story. I'm sorry she's not the victim and i pretty much almost everything saved that happend since she has to do everything on the internet...i'm not stupid i'm gonna document it and save it for future refrence. She's back to thinkin that she has done NOTHING wrong...like she made it worse by giving up on her 2nd chance and not coming to me about it.

Honostly i'll be happy when i leave this city...and not to seem like i NEED a man in my life, i just want one now. A true one, to 4 get about the last. You kno how when it seems like u lost your "love" of your life you feel like you cant look back to ne thing else but that relationship. And i'm tired of looking back to that knowing it was fake. It's hard looking back at the holding hands and shit knowing it was nothing but a game and fakeness. It hurts really bad when during that relationship ur thinking its sooo true and enjoying it....you look back at it thinking it was good times but u have that voice to remind you that it wasnt real. I'm sure i'll find someone WAYY better than him and maybe the one....but 7 months of these thoughts going threw my head it makes it harder and i try to be positive but sometims i get soo depresed. Idk....i guess i just have to deal.....

So till next time i have to get some things out or some more news....

~Sammy D

BLACK OUT!!

okay....again sry for not writting. BUT! if u havn't herd STL had this big ass black out wednesday and then another storm came rollin in Friday makein the liste of gettin electricity even LONGER! So ofcourse i got my power back (thank god!) and i'm LUVIN it! So ever since my last entry nothing too exciting has happend. I'm done with summer school and passed that stupid computer course with a "A"! O YES! Now my priority is just getting ready for this trip to Chi-Town, Look for a job and get more in the habbit of going to the gym. So too much is on my plate right now....i gotta start getting ready for school, since i am president for this one club i gotta get that organized as well. So i guess u could say i got some shit on my plate,lol. I got my senior pix comin up, which i'm hopin turn out GREAT! I'm not havin my moma pay 300 dollas and they look like shit! OOOOOOO I'M TURNIN 18 IN LIKE 7 DAYSS!!! thats right BE happy! So nothin much so far....Just that DUMBass Black out.....SO YA! Till then........

Sammy D!

WOW!!!

LO SIENTO!! (i'm sorry!) I havn't wrote in this thing in ages! Either i'm just too busy, don't feel like it, or w/e the reason may be. TRUST! from the last entry there is SOOOO much that has been happening!!! So where i left you off at was those damn ACT's...damn it! I got the same damn grade i got the 1st time i took it. It's really not fare for me cause i've ALWAYS been a bad test taker. I mean when that man called 5 mins. i swear i jumped every single time. So i'm hopin the next time,which i think is in OCT., i do better,lol. OOOO this time i took the writting portion....I KILLED IT! their comments wrote "Your essay adequately supported general statements with specific reasons, examples, and details." So for me i thought it was good....now if i could only remember what i had to write about...DAMN IT!

So i should probably talk about this so called "cousin" of mine. So that Wednesday i went to the park to talk things out with her. At first i'm listening seeing how "sorry" she felt and w/e. And i'm like okay well she said sorry so we gettin somewhere. My main goal was tryin to be open minded, forgiving, and not the Mad black woman (taken advise from the big sis). So i was tellin her that i understand u feel sorry and regret...but things arn't going to go back to the ways that it was b4. I made it clear to her about that. And i also told her that i can't see myself going places with her and talkin on the phone for over 4 hrs....untill they break up. Now i didn't tell her to break up...just in a secretive way i guess,lol. But it's true....like how the hell am i gonna be able to try and make things right with you and give you your second chance if you still goin out with that low life bum ass MF'er who calls himself a man. Thats a slap in my face sayin that he is more important than me and he shouldn't cause i'm her damn family!....So she starts tellin me how she can't see herself wit danny no more cause they argue everyday and shit. THEN! she tell me how he told her to choose between him and her friends/family. I"M LIKE NO THE HELL HE DIDN"T!....O by the way while i was there gus(lil bro) wanted to be there to make sure i wouldn't beat her ass.....so after we talked we all played v-ball and ya...

So like a week or two after that she tells me that they broke up. And she sittin there on AIM expectin me to be all nice to her about it and be there for her for it....WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT! I mean yes back then when she would break up with the guy i was there for her no doubt! ....but this is completely different. And then she kinda pisses me off some more talkin bout "i know it's not ur fault but like ever since all this shit happend gus dosn't want to hang out with me ne more." And i just sit there and say okay...and se was like well thats somthing that i guess i should talk to him about. So then the weekend b4 the 4th weekend she invites me to go to this hispanic festival....i'm like this will be soo awkward but hey! gotta start somewhere right? We go have a good time and such. The day after i invite her to go to my family's big fish fry thing we was havin the day of the 4th. But like after a week i dont' hear a damn word from her, never see her online, and she no longer had me as a friend on myspace. I'm like well this is some odd shit.

SO! i do my experimenting....and i go on her cousins page and she's left her some comment thingys. One in praticular says o can i go out with you kno who tonight instead of you cause when we get back he gonna be gone and i'ma miss him. I'm like this girl think she slick! After all this shit has gone down she dont think no1 is gonna kno who she talkin bout! So then i got on the dick heads page and she writtin him shit sayin she miss him and w/e....So i tell gus and he's all like hell naw! and he calls her and either she lies or dosn't answer his questions......and so basically this longates(sp?)...and on her blog she talkin bout people bein in her buzziness and leave her alone and shit. (girl plez! if you didn't advertize you business like you WANT people to kno you wouldn't have to worry about it!) Gus sees it and he's like she betta not be talkin bout me! Calls her again and asks her ALLL questions that either you KNOW she's lieing about or just wont answer them. So he asks her why she hasn't talked to me....This bitch talkin bout i know things wont go back to being the same so i give up. Gus is like "hold up, your cousin has given you a second chance; she hasn't given up on you...but your given up on her!?" GO LIL BRO!!! He is soooo right....ofcourse she dosn't say ne thing. So she asks them if they gonna stay friends and he's like let me get back to you on that....and she's like i wanna kno now! This girl is buggin out fa real! Like you can tell that she is soooo afraid of loosing everyone so dear to her. She's one of them girls who feels she has to have a boy in her life....cause she says she can't live without him. SAD! O SO SAD! So i've deffinately given up on her since she has given up on me....i no longer claim her as my family because if she was my so called "family/cousin" they dont do shit like this to each other! So for a while now i've been wanting to beat the shit outta her and HIM! just to give her lil reality check. And i could careless if her daddy get mad at me cause i go off on him 2!

So ne ways!!....back to somethin good. For my birthday this year....the BIG 1-8!...i'm goin to Chi-Town for my b-day but also to check Dominican University...where i really want to go now! Cause i look back and see how home sick i used to be and realize i don't think i could do Florida and Georgia. I'm excited to turn this age because so much comes with it; Voting, Credit Cards, Full License, JOBS!!! Cause i am SOOO broke right now it's not even funny! If yall readin this and wonderin wat to get me for my b-day and thats MONEY! LOL!

I'm in summer school right now...(Last week, last say is the 21st!! MY SIS's B-day! wow i wonder how old she gonna be?!?! I think it's like 33 or 34)...This computer class that i HAVE to take or else i dont graduate. And thats something that hits me in the face everyday...i'm gonna be a senior this year...and then....i'm gone. It's just sooo unreal!

But i think i pretty much got all caught up with everything....i'ma try harder to write in this more often to keep yall posted on wats goin on....so untill something interesting

`Sammy!

For this week's stories.....

Okay so For this week was a rather fun but painful frustrating week!

~~Monday....
Did nothing but chyll and be a lazy ass....he it was my first day from my crazy weekend and my first OFFICIAL day of summer break.

~~Tuesday...
I went to Gus's new house...it's sooo cute! and reall nice!LOL! I was there for pretty much the whole day. I was probably in my most pain of my foot. Ya it's been like this for over a week (tuesday was a week). Idk wat's wrong...i woke up for a nap and BAM! my arch of my foot and ankle hurt like hell! So We chylled at his house and did some runnin around...went to Latinos for like dinner. After that we went to Dair Queen for ice cream and went to Koch park to play v-ball. Probably not the smartest thing to do considering my foot but hey it's my fav. sport! Well i put myself in more pain cause me and gus decided to sneak off and leave Erica and Tasha...so i'm runnin to car (more like leapin and runnin) and i trip over the bar that u park ur car at....Fell HELLA HARD! In front of a bunch of people 2. So i scraped up my hands a bit and both of my knees hurt like hell. I ended up havin erica drive us back to gus's.

~~~Wednesday
I pretty much slept most of the day,lol. Untill like 8 at night i did a practice math test for the ACT's. and watched Last Holiday. It was funni and good i dont' like Queen Latifa ne more cause she got to kiss LL Cool J! JK! i still love her! My math section turned out really good i scored a 21 on it and last time fa real i got a 18 so i was happy about that.

~~~Thursday
I did a practice reading and english section of the PACT. I scored one point better on the reading, 17 and the english i KILLED! i gotta 23 and b4 i gotta 18!! O YES!!! And i also got my report card as well and did good. I got a 3.3 for the quater and my cumm. is now a 3.1. O YES! So i was pretty happy with myself that day.

~~~Today
So today turned out rather bad. My so called cuzzin wrote me a message 2day...i'm like NOW WHAT?! Saying all bull shit to me. But supposidly i'm supposed to meet her sometime and work all this out. I'ma try but TRUST! i will be on here to share how it goes. I took the science section today and got like a 16!! I was upset considering when i took it fa real i gotta 19...but to me reading and science i have to be able to mark on and and underline etc...Considering this was a CD-Rom i don't get that chance. So i feel i'll do good 2morrow morning at 8 am!!!!

So my spectations for this weekend is to take this damn ACT and do well...Do something fun considering its one my friends b-day Sat....and possible go shopping. SO i'm gonna go watch television till my mother comes home so i can tell her about the slut...and maybe go do something with her....untill next time

Love your one and ONLY,
Samantha!

SUMMA TYME!

Okay it's been like a week???...ne ways....SUMMER BREAK IS FINALLY HERE! Probably the only reason i havn't wrote on here cause of thos damn finals but hey it's all over and Aug. 21st when i walk in that school i will officially be a SENIOR! So as far as finals go i think i did reletively well on them probably bomed the Chemistry final. So for every year i go to erica's house and it was just me and tasha cause she didn't see the point of having a lot of people when you really can't do ne thing in the lake because it's not high enough. So.....

~Friday...
Came home from school at 10:50 did some paking and went to ce ce's to chyll with kelly, brittany, airielle, erica, shyra, chloe, tinkerbell and row. I went home to finish packing and at 6 got picked up by erica and me and tasha were on our way to her house. This painting lady had to fallow us there cause erica is gettin a mural painted on her stair wall....and she had a baby with her so it was fun! So we came home ate and rushed to the 2 dollar movie. We saw stick it, a movie about gymnastics, 2 funni and hella cute guys as well! After that we had to go to the grocery store to get some ingredients for erica's dinner the next night....let me just say me, tasha and erica in a grocery store with a cart is NOT a good idea. LOL! And basically after that went home and went to sleep.

~Saturday...
We woke up and ate PANA COOKIN!!!! omg! i love the dutch! So i was pretty much full! Then we went around her neighborhood cause on that weekend they have this BIG yard sale stuff, so we just went a lookin. Afterwards we went to the swimming beach and OMG! let me tell you if i didn't make an ass out of myself it wouldn't of been a great! weekend. Priceless! After that we came home took showers and began to cook din din. Ate and went to see ANOTHER 2 dolla movie....it was Just my Luck which was also funni and HOT guys 2. After that we went to eat ice cream at Annies...they have the BEST ice cream, mhhh soo good! We came home and started a bon fire...sadly i forgot all my shit i wanted to burn that i got from that boi! BUT we had s'mores so that made up for everything! and my fat ass had 2 so ya. And let me tell you it took us a good like hour to get the fire going it was really sad.

~Sunday...
We woke up late for church and then didn't end up even staying for the service. Then we went to wal-mart cause mom needed some things but we went down the street to Petsmart and walked these 2 doggies! 1 was too hyper for me....So we went home and we ate..AGAIN. then we went to rent to movies the Notebook and Troy. And we made these lil bracelet/anklet thingy's....i need more practice tho. Then it was HOME!

So that was my fun filled weekend....and now for this week i'm studying for the ACT's and saturday is ce ce's b-day so if she has nothing planned i'm goin somewhere and gettin DRUNK!! cause i'ma need it!

Wierd Crazy day

Today wasn't too bad....Saturday i didn't practically nothin but go on a drive with Nina. She loves going on drives,lol. Sunday i cleaned house and got some sun. I'm starting to take after my grandmother...by turning red and then brown. Crazy huh? But hey! im lookin darker!YAY!!! So then me and tasha went to the loop. I almost cussed out this old man cause at first he was just starin hella hard at me and tasha and i'm like "uh oh tasha he want chu!" then this old man had the nerve to roll down his window and say somethin like we too loud....ASSHOLE! you in the loop you expect it to be quiet!? HELL NO! His ass betta be glad that light turned green i woulda went off on his ass. We were gonna go hang out with Gus but he had a lot 2 do 2day...i miss my lil bro, last time i saw him was like VOTF, which was like 3 weeks ago. I'll make it up there my 1st week outta school since i'ma be gone this weekend. So me and tasha just drove around the rest of the time made a fool outa of ourselves at Wal-Mart it was fun tho. Pretty much it...i'm goin to Columbia, MO 2morrow for some family picnic with people i dont kno except for my close cuzzins. This week is finals and i hope i do well....then friday i have a half day i get out at like 10:50, HECK YES! i'm hopin i have a interview comin up cause the assit. mang. seemed interested it's just the bitch...O WELL!! so this weekend comin up i'm goin to ericas for the weekend....gonna be crazy!!! u can never go in the country and not act wild! so thats bout it, until i think of somethin else or somethin else crazy happens.....

Love ya!
Sammy d!

School is ALMOST OUT!

So again i havn't gotten into the habbit of writting on here, sry. Well what can i say??? Nothing much is happening fa real. Me and my dad got into it, well to me we did cause he pissed me off. Gonna tell me i'm not goin to college cause he can't afford it..BULL SHIT! he thinks people pay up the 30,000 dollars up front all the time....BRRRNNTTT!!! WRONG! But ne ways he got me f'd up if he think i'm not goin to college and make somethin outta my life! PSH! And about cost thats what i've been thinkin bout and i've been kinda lookin for the college in Illinois b/c one it's cheaper than the one in FL. Two it's not soo far either...and i realize how much i'm going to miss everyone like; my mommy, my doggies, all my friends etc. So i can come back for whatever reason. It's also a lot cheaper to get an apartment their also cause i really dont' wanna work of room and board i'd rather just pay for the tuition ya kno? So idk i juss need to wait till i get some more Financial aid stuff and also getting accepted,lol. If i can do both i have NO IDEA! o jeez! all the decisions to make as a SENIOR!!!! WOOT WOOT! As far as this weekend i have no idea what i'm doin...i know monday i'm goin to columbia MO for dads aunt fish fry....but sat. and sunday dont' kno yet! Need to do some boi huntin! Gonna go chyll now....till some more stuff......

LOVE SAMMY D!!

Long time....no talk,lol

Damn i really need to write on here more often,lol. Well Since the last time i wrote on here it wasn't much; dad and school, O and me complaining lol. Well dad is doing great he got his stitches and staples out monday...so he was real excited about that. And now he's able to drive places now also...THANK GOD! cause i was getting tired of him bitchin at me for the way i drive. Wednesday at 2:20 i was considered..............A SENIOR WOOT WOOT!!! LOL! I was excited but i also cried cause i was a lot closer with these seniors then the ones graduating last year. I moved on tho. Damn you start so early in the process of being a senior 2! IT"S GREAT! I have about 2 weeks till school is out and i'm excited! YES!!! Sadly we had to move Erica's Party back about 3 weeks or so cause the lake is full yet. O well gives me longer to loose weight,lol. This past weekend was okay i guess. Friday i went with erica so she could get some wings and we had the most funniest waiter cause he was like russian or something. For the rest of the night we were gonna go to Jackies party which was planned badly! We arrived early no1 there so we had kim come and give us a key at 1st. I got to see my baby LU! (kims puppy,pitt) So we decided to bring her to the carnival. We got bored of being there so we went to Jackies party because people were finally there. That place was a HOTT mess! I didn't do too much drinking considering there was a lot already gone. So i had a whimpy as Seagrams and like a glop of kims Corona....1st time for the Corona it was alright. So then they all decided to go to some guys house in north county...i'm like fuck that i'm goin home i don't kno who his ass is. OOO and this sophmore that dosn't even go to our school ne more....started to fight Nick for like no reason....his ass lost,LOL! So i burned out and went home. Saturday i did nothin but run around with my mother. I got some new pastels tho! I saw becca at Target 2!!! it was soo funni cause i didn't realize her till she was like all up in my face!LMAO! Me and my mami also watched Date Movie...HILARIOUS!!! So thats pretty much i've cleaned today and acted my normal retarded self,lol. Now i'ma go try and make my legs not soo light....ttyl

PUPPIES!!!!

i really want one!...don't kno why, i'ma be gone next year, but i want one fa real as soon as i get a house....so like 7 years from now,lol....yall should buy me a puppy!!!
(puggle) beagle/pug! TOO CUTE!

labordor retriever..can never go wrong....how cute is that?!

Yorkie!!...i gotta have at least one rat dog in my life,lol. and how cute is she?!?!

Bulldog!..omg there so fat and cute, i really love bull dogs!


Bloodhound! i love them cause of thos floppy ears, so cute! and i just love ne hunting dogs howls,lol

long time....lots of stuff

so i think the last time i talked on here was about a good 2-3 weeks ago. Where i left off on a really bad note bout some1 who i try not to consider. So ever since then there have been happy moments and bad ones. School has been going okay, but i'm just really tired of it. 1st semester was a really easy one and i thought "What do they mean Junior year is your hardest year?" but 2nd semester is KILLING me! I"m dying to get to summer vacation cause i really need it. But i kno for the month that i have left it'll work out. Hmm...O also i tryed out for broadcasting the announcements on television back in April and well....Ya girl made it! O YA! You must be proud, yes i kno,lol. So next year as a senior i will be on television every other day saying announcements. Never saw myself doing it and it's not so much a big deal to some people but i just want to bring more fun to it cause people that do it now is just sooo boring ya kno? So off the school subject....About 2 weeks ago dad went into the hospital cause he was complaining about chest pains and such. His blood pressure was awfly high also. So it turned out that on of his arterys that they havn't worked on previously was 80% clogged. I honostly had no sympathy for him when he said he didn't want this to come out to be this way with getting another by-pass surgery done. I'm not saying i didnt care, OF COURSE I DID! If i didn't i wouldn't of chewed him out while he was there. Another thing that has been on my shoulders lately than besides school and college....my future. And i really want my dad there. I want him to make it to my graduation, my wedding and to be with his grandkids. Things that i kno he really wants to be apart of but in my eyes it dosnt seem like it for the past 3 years of smoking and then eating horrible on top of that. Situations such as these make me jelouse and pissed at my "siblings". Jelouse in a way that one of my sisters was able to get walked down the isle by her father and the other having the oppurtunity 2. Him being able to see their kids. Pissed in a way because they don't care about him. Non of them check up on him...i mean 5 min phone call is nothing. One only would call just to get something out of him. And one just dosn't want to i guess....I really just don't understand them. When i was younger i tried real hard to be apart of their lives and my nieces and nephews but i'm just starting to give up. Especially when i see that my dad has given up. I try to keep faith i try to give excuses for some of them. But i can't do all the work. I see how unhealthy he is and this recent by-pass surgery and i look back to my 14th birthday and his only wish was to see all his girls together. And i think at this point he's given up because it seems like one has given up on her life and the other i believe dosn't want to try. So at times i believe i have siblings but then i feel like i'm the only child. Dad treats me more like the only child...i guess it's a good thing for me cause he's focusing more on me and my needs considering i'm 17 and not 27....but then i put more stress on myself cause i'm always trying to find a way to come out on top of them to make him proud. To graduate from high school, to go to college, to be successful in life and have the grandkids that he's always wanted....he has some but hasn't had the real oppurtunity to be the grandfather he wants to be. So because of his health i feel like i try to fastforward my life so the quicker i can achieve it so he can see and experience b4 he goes. Ne ways off the bad note...now for a good one.

This past saturday was a blast! I went to the valley of the flowers and had a great time! The slut wasn't there and really wasn't worried about her. I was worried about having a good time and her ruining it but it didn't happend. So last night was great and i again got a adopted and have ANOTHER mother. Lol....Gus's mom Diora, shes great. I almost thought she was calling me angela i'm like HOL UP! but she was just naming all her daughters...but i sure as hell an't claimin her ass as nothing, NADA! Gus says she dosn't kno the whole case scenario but if she did she wouldn't be up for all that. Ne ways i was worn out from last night and i'm still worn out as to why i'm not doing my hw...but it's all good,lol. I'm hoping this week i'll get called in for a interview cause i need a job! I've gone for over a year with out a job and while with out babysitting. The cash flow is like none. I got some in the account and the withdrawl i'm only gonna make is gonna be for mothers day. She's getting all kids of stuff this year cause i always neglect to get her something for x-mas but mothers day i ALWAYS get her something regardless. I'm deffinately sending her off to get her nails done but i'ma add something else in there....along with makeing her breakfast, cleaning house and we'll probably take her out to dinner or dad will make something if he's up to it. Cause i'm not cooking cause mine isn't always so great,lol. I'm the baker not the cooker. So i'm excited about mothers day....hopefully dad dosn't ruin it like he always does every year.

Another thing i'm kinda getting split from going to college here in the STL or going to a different state. I really just want the best education for Fashion Design. So now i'm torn cause the closer i become a senior the more i don't want to leave my mother. I mean i want to leave the house no doubt but like i wanna be close. I'll just have to see case Florida still sounds nice but so far way....and Chicago is just too cold but Dominican University said they have a really nice Fashion Design program. And i'm just so tired of STL but they say lindenwood is a really good school. And thats like my only 3 choices fa real, which is sad. And they all have some kind of plus...but so far Florida is winning cause of what they offer and it's WARM! Stl has one pluse and one minus. and the same goes for Chicago. So i'm gonna have to get back to you once i talk to my college and career counselour to get this straigten out. So i'ma go and do some college research and such.....and hopefully i'll be writting on here more often if i have time,lol. LOVE YA!

Sam

Sick of This

Okay i'm getting really tired of all this bs. This is why i hate females cause a lot of them are sooo dumb! Last night was probably the night where i cried a whole river ever since that day when i found out she was goin with my ex. I was just sooo frustrated and got even more hurt. Frustrated because she's like sooo dumb! Like she seriously needs to grow up. So i took a little of tasha's advice and decided okay i'ma TYPE her back and tell her i'm not gonna disucss shit unless she call me or face to face. Then she come back with some bull shit sayin how she gonna say the same things and tellin me SHE would be over it. How the fuck (sry for the language,lol) is she gonna kno?! I mean it hasn't happend to her, one of her cousins hasn't gone behind her back and started going out with her ex! Like untill that happens to her she can't say if she would be over it or not. I mean lets be for real...if you thought you loved some1 and lost ur v-card to him your not gonna get over it just in the snap of a finger. But i dont' think she's lookin at the whole picture. She realizes what she did but like the way she handled it with all the lies...I HATE LIERS!! Man up and tell the truth! And now she's tryin to stick up for him like he did nothing wrong! They both did wrong and...hes juss as much in the wrong as she is. And i'm guessing she thinks i'm takein this way out of proportion...honostly i'm starting to think i need to be a little bit more harder, back to my bitch ways (which by the way, where did they go?). Even tasha said i'm bein way too nice about this whole situation. But thank god i have such good friends...ahem, gus, ahem. Gus was a big help he pointed out things that i never did. Pointed out that she knows me the best out of all my friends (for she is my cousin!) and she would kno how i would react and YET! she still did it. And the hurt part she told gus why danni even went out with me. I was used basically...he needed some1 to get things off his mind (my cousin) and told her he didn't fall for me like he did her. So gus was like i'm sry but he is a jerk dick head. He goes how do you do that to a girl...and then not like her and take her virginity. And i never even thought of it like that, but it was soo true. Made me cry harder, but so true. And what bothered me more is that she wasn't even takeing that into consideration. She hasn't this whole time...how he's done me she dosn't even get mad or even care. I've been by this girls side alll the time! She says danni does 2...i've known her longer. I"M FAMILY! like all her bf's that have done her wrong in some way i have cussed out, threatend the whole nine yards. Then she gets all upset because ever since this happend she gets mad cause gus and becca seem to be closer to me and hang out with me more than her. I'm like hmmmmm must tell ya something huh? Ugh and it was soo hard to not cry at school 2day...i wasn't normal...but i just don't want ne one to worry ne more. I know my mother was really worried about me initially when this happend and i dont' want to worry her. Just all this drama i'm sick of it. I just want a break from this city...i really want to visit some1 this summer. And like i said uncle floyd lives too much in a boring city. If gas wasn't so high this summer i would take that road trip my dad told me to go on to visit my niece and nephew in Colorado. I could go see my other sis in Cali. but she's soo busy. Who knows i'll probably juss go to g-ma's house and juss relax...i just want to get a way from this city, to get things off my mind, ya kno? Well i needed to get that out and hopefully the next time i get on here ill have something more on the happy side...TTYL

Sam

Easter Weekend

I think the last time i posted a blog was hmmm maybe last sunday? Well if so nothing really has happend since then. Suprisingly i was really focused on my school work, can you blieve that?LOL. Other than that it was pretty much a regular week. Friday me and mom went shopping again cause i needed to make some exchanges. And we also went to Garden Ridge to get some flowers to replace the ones that are at my grandparents grave. My grandmother requested a few things but one is that she had to have flowers at her grave at all times. After that thats when i went to the mall...did my exchange and then walked around. Now, not to see if i could find those damn heethens but i needed to find some sunglasses, FA REAL! Ofcourse i didnt cause i'm so picky and the glasses that i had last summer i can't find or i think the dick head has em, so ya. Saturday i got woken up early because of my father decided to tear up the carpet. Then he kicked us out the house...i went to the cemetary (ghetto ass city) and my mother went shopping. I thought it was my turn to go up there and i wanted to talk to my grandparents about all whats going on. And, i talked to them for a good LOOONNNGGG time i wasn't even worried about the fact that i was in the straight up St. Louis city W. Florrisants ghetto ass! It really helped talking to them but i just really need a break from this city. I'm really wanting to get outta town, big time! Like i thought i was goin to florida with tasha but that change, so now i have no where and i wanna get out! If my uncle floyd didn't live in such a dumb city i'd visit them but id rather go somewhere else where there is family ya kno? Just to get away for a little while during the summer. After i visited the grave i went to meet my mom at the store to help her shop for the house, and after that we got into it. Cause she's bitchy and i'm pmsing and i thought it was quite hilarious to me, cause we was making a big ass scene in the parking lot. After i helped her out for the day me and tasha(BFF) went to the LOOP. We had too much fun cause of all the wierd people we saw but we ended up leaving cause it started to raind and headed for Gus's house. Tasha wanted to go cause he told her his mom and aunt was makein a fiest! So you kno she has to have some food. After they ate we went to walk around the mall for a little bit. Gustavo was soo high off his sinus medicine he was killin me the whole time. It seemed like he just got done smoking a join but it was just his medicine and the funiest highlight of that night at starbucks he asks the lady, "Do you have a tissue, i'm gonna sneeze!" I also gotta phone call from my cuzzin Bridget about her out of control know it all daughter. That was real fun! Ne who, after the mall we went back to gus's house and ended up playin v-ball at like 9 at night,lol. Then his uncle said we should go home cause a storm was comin and don't wanna get caught up in it. So i'm like 2 hrs home b4 cerfew, and my parents get like mad? LIke why am i home so early? WIERDO's hmmm. So now it's easter and i'm exhausted cause i've cleaned bathrooms, vaccumed and made a cake of which i still have to frost...so i'm gonna go and take a cat nap and make this frosting .....holler!

Love your one and only,
Samantha

Hellaz!!!

So it has came to my attention that i havn't written on here for a good lonnngggg time!! Hmmm what was Spring Break? Yea i think so. Wow so much has happend ever since then. LOl, i've been slacking huh? Well let me finish what else went on over break. Well thursday i took a little of a break, i didn't have ne more cleaning to be done and all i did thursday was study for those damn ACT's. Friday i was told by my mother not to do NE THING! So thats what i did i chilled the whole day. Erica wanted to go walk around the mall a little, so i joined her. While we were there we saw Ciera and Bryanna. Man! i have't seen her for over a year! So it was real nice to see her after soo long. While i was there Gus called me to see if i wanted to join him babysitting his cousins baby. Ofcourse i said yes!!! It was real fun cause it was just me, him, his cousin carmen and her husband and just talking. Duh i got my practice of Spanish in but we all had a good time. When Carmen and her husband left it was just me and gus chillen and then i went home. So the next day Ciera and Shyra were hosting a bar-b-que at Stacy Park. Well considering i kno those 2 very well, i didn't get ready till like 1:30 and it started at 2. Well knowing them it didn't start at 2. Really it didn't start till like 3...lol, damn black people! But that bar-b-que and fresh air and just having fun is what i needed from all that cleaning and studying. Then afterwards me and erica went to to see Ice Age 2 at the galleria...It was sooo GOOD!! except i had a damn kid kickin the back of my seat, but aventualy he stopped. But that was pretty much it of spring break. Next year it will be 10x better, cause tasha said we goin to New York so HELLZ YEA!

So during the first week back from spring break nothing really happend. Tasha told me her cousin is going to Florida so i'm out,lol. No biggy for me, i mean i have been there b4. My dad really wanted me to go still like he was gonna pay for my plane ticket and stuff. Idk i'd still want to go somewhere this summer. Hmmm i'll think about it. But that week went by sooo fast it was crazy! B4 i knew it was friday, and me and my mom went shopping. I've ben dying to shop but my mom was like dont' you want to study for your ACT's i'm like HELL NO! So we go all the way to the MIllz to go to Old Navy. And Gus calls me and he was like you kno yo cuzzin up there? and i'm like okay??? and he was like she with danny. I'm like so you want me to go to a diff. mall cause my cousin and my ex are up here together? HELL NO! Get outta here, if ne thing they ass's scared of me and they need to move when i come round! HAHA! But on a good note i got some really cute stuff! but we gotta go back cause i picked up the wrong size,lol. So i was told that she saw me but i didn't see here...ha! O WELL!!

So after that night i was hella tired and i went to bed cause the next morning i had to take those damn ACT's. UUGGHHH at f-in 8 in the morning! I was soo tired during that test it wasn't even funni! As soon as i got home i took a nap! However, i felt i did better than a 18. Cause usually i struggle the most with Math and Science and those 2 i felt i did really good on. Especially the Science cause i do the WORST on that part. So it wasn't a waste of money. So that day i slept all day untill me, dad and mom went to go to dad's friend daughters birthday party at dave and busters. SO FUN! i always have fun, made just for people like me. 7 year olds stuck in 17 year old bodies,lol. And because i love that place i became obsessed with a new game. It's called Police 911, and it's like one of those virtual things kinda. Like when you move the thing moves. And i was all in it when it said duck i was all the way down,lol. And i was sweaten and shit, because i was squatin so much my quades hurt sooo MUCH! Shows how bad i'm outta shape, but i felt like i straight came home from v-ball try outs,lol. But i needed it after that testing, i woulda had more fun if i had more energy but i sitll have fun joanin on dad's friends,lol.

Sunday i didn't do much besides clean and go to Tasha's. I had a wierd time cleaning, but when i got my music wat can i say, who dosn't? Tasha made me come over cause she wanted me to see her Prom dress. It was really gorgious! Even for a white dress it was really cute. Idk i'm deffinately not wearing white to prom cause i dont' plane on wearin all white till my wedding. For Senior Prom i'm makein my own dress...gotta be one of a kind and not like ne one else's! SO EXCITED FOR NEXT YEAR!! BUt when i came home i made dinner, of which i coulda done A LOT better,lol. But after that me and mom watched Kicking and Screaming, which was hilarious! I love Will Farrel! He wasn't as funni as he was in Elf, but pretty funni. But that night just totally ruined my night. That girl had the nerve to have her cousin talk to me all up in our business! OOO i was hella heated! I"m like grow the hell up! I'm serious, i mean she claims that she's an adult and can make her own decisions, well she needs to start makein those desicions. OO her cousin was pissin me off!! And i'm like whats up with this internet shit! MAN UP! uhh phone call or face 2 face. Ne ways! they really don't need to get into this cause they will regret it. Ne ways....I'm thinking this Saturday i'm gonna give g-ma and g-pa a visit and talk to them, i need their guidence.

Today was the 1st day of MAP testing, SUCKY! I HATE IT!. but suprisingly i was awkwardly productive. LOl, probably after seeing those 3rd quater grades, gave me a boost! But till some more interesting news....

Love your one and Only!
Sam

Spring Break...And more stress

Okay so i'm on day 3 of my spring break, and in my opinion it's not much of a break. I think i've been cleaning everyday since Sunday for about 3-5 hours each day. Afterwards, i'm studying for the ACT's doing 10-20 pages of my book. So in no way is this a break. A break would be me sleeping in(i do that ne way), doing absolutely nothing threw out the day or tending to myself. I've already gotten some cleaning wounds already. I'm hoping 2day will be the last of cleaning, but after that i have to give my dog a bath if it's warm enough and Diego(my car) needs a bath 2. So it just never stops. And my headache's have done nothing but get better. I just have so much on my mind all at once. The ACT's, assignments for school, cleaning, chores, finding a job, drama....it's just all 2 much.

Last night studying for those damn ACT's was alright at first cause it was English workout. And i felt really good about that cause i was learning a lot and felt smart. Then it got to the Math workout and i just started to get frustrated and had to stop in the middle of it cause my headache started. Maybe cause i tried to fit so much into my day...i mean i started cleaning at noon and didnt' stop till 5...break for about 3 hrs and went right into studying. Who knows, im just extremely worried about these ACT's and stressed. I'm hopping to get a 21 for sure. If i do i'm pretty much accepted into LU(lynn university). I realized i'm extremely hard on myself when it comes to my Goals (or Dreams) and accomplishing them. Doing good on these ACT's means getting accepted into that good college and once that happens in my eyes i'm starting my career, my future, everything i ever wanted.

And not only am i worried about the ACT's but also school. I get a grade report from my Chem. teacher in my e-mail and my grade hasn't really moved from that 66%. Since i got a D on that test it kept me at that spot. I was very dissapointed cause i studied hard and believed that i did really well on that test. Not only that class that i'm worried about it's like all of them except for Ind. Study Drawing. I mean Marketing Management is just a hard class. I'm trying really hard to do well in the class. It's just the major project we have i think is rediculous and too time consuming. We work in partners but i'm always lookin at my business class as if it was real life. Since i want to own my own business one day i put everything on myself to get things done. And i realized that i shouldnt cause i also have other classes to worry bout and when i have that business one day thats all i really have to worry about. So there is a difference. This year i've just been extremely hard on myself cause i kno this is my Junior year, my most important year and i work my ass off. I really want to be successful in my life and my future. I want my kids to have a great childhood. I want to be able to repay my parents(mainly mommy) with all they had to do. I don't necessarily want to be like donald trump rich but in the area between upper class and middle class.

I feel that sometimes i try to prepare myself for that time when i become a mother or w/e. I mean all the chores i do and find time for school at the same time. I think i forget that i'm only 17 (but soon to be 18) and should have fun. I mean i do have fun a lot of the times. But i mean i do the things around the house without my parents telling me sometimes because i try to prepare myself for the outside world, to multi-task and get multiple things done at one time. My mother also does this 2 me...to prepare for the outside world. And i see that i'm more strict with that cause i see that i have 1 more year and i COULD be by myself. And she has prepared me with this ever since i was 7 learnng how to cook. And i guess you could say that i'm realizing that i have only 1 year here to prepare and possibly out to Florida to live by myself. I think i kno another reason why i wnt to go to college out of state cause i want to see if i can do it. After all this preparing my mother and i have done, i want to see if i'm able. They say when most kids go out of state for college come back home. I honestly think i wont. A lot of those kids have been babied all their lives. Yes i'm spoiled but i think i'm ready. I'm not going to lie and say i wont miss my family. OFCOURSE! i will.

This job thing is really pissing me off. I swear i've put applications in everywhere. No1 likes me. And i think i've just become realy picky with jobs 2. O well i'm still wanting to work at Scrubs and Beyond...but we will see about that.

Right now i'm feeling that Karma is coming back on me. Even tho in my eyes i' havn't done ne thing evil. IDK, she's just worked out things with her friends that she fucked up with...but hasn't even tried with me. I mean so she says that she's tried twice on the Internet. But she's called the other 2 and made things right and with one, was straight up begging. Idk, i guess i just fee like dirt and dont' feel as special as i did when we were like sisters. You would think that i would be the first on her list. I'm just really frustrated with all of this. Cause i miss her but i also can't ignore what she did. I mean there has been nights where i'm crying cause i miss her and i'm crying cause what she did. I'm just confused. I'm thinking sometime this week or weekend (depending if i go over gus's this week) i'm gonna go visit my g-ma to see if she can point me in the right direction. At this point i've just tried to be really strong right now and be the tough cookie. But at this point i want to burst!...Into tears. I've held in the frustration for 3 months and i need to let it out. But i go back to thursday and look at what a great day that was to hear from that old friend and to hear that apology from him. Well now that i got a lot of things off my chest, i'm gonna go CLEAN! WOO HOO!!! So till some more things erk me....

Confused and Weak,
Sam